Más Pipekés y las plantas (que se aburren)

21

¿Alguna vez os han intentado meter presión por algo relacionado con vuestr@s hij@s? ¿Coger la teta, dejar el bibe, pis en el váter, dormir en su cuna, dejar el chupete, comer solo o empezar a hablar? Estoy plenamente segura de que sí, porque si hay algo inherente a ser madre/padre es el hecho de que nos vemos obligad@s a escuchar ya no opiniones ajenas, sino sentencias, juicios y comentarios cuasiofensivos que nos importan un coj*n todos los días y a todas horas. Mi consejo, por supuesto, es que paséis olímpicamente de todo el/la que os meta presión en cualquier sentido: tanto en la crianza como en lo que no es crianza. Yo aplico el “paso de todo”, y hago bien.

Hago bien porque, a pesar de que todos sabemos que no hay ningún/a niñ@ de 10 años con un desarrollo normal y corriente que no haya dejado la teta, que no haga pis en el váter, que no duerma en su cama, que siga con chupete, que coma únicamente si le dan y que no haya aprendido a hablar, esta sociedad se empeña en meter prisa a la gente pequeña por absolutamente todo. Como dice Noe, de Nanas y Rock’n’Roll (un blog que os recomiendo), vivimos en una sociedad obsesionada con la competitividad.

Y además hago bien en aplicar el “paso de todo”, y haríais vosotr@s bien en hacerlo, porque la gente no tiene razón.

Ejemplos ilustrativos:

– ¿Todavía no habla (o bien) todavía no anda?
– No.
– Pues va siendo hora, ¿no?
– Sí, bueno, alguna cosa dice: mamá, babau… (o bien) algún paso da agarrada a mi mano…
– Bueno, ya, es que si a estas alturas no dice alguna palabra (y/o) no da algún paso… Mira la hija de Fulanita y Fulanito, empezó a hablar (y/o) andar a los 10 meses. El de Menganita y Menganito, a los 6. Y el de Zutanita y Zutanito salió del paritorio por su propio pie y le dijo a la abuela: “Buenos días nos dé Dios”. Eva se va a quedar atrás

Me gustaría que esas señoras (y algún señor) que me/nos metían prisa pasaran una tarde o dos con ella hoy en día. ¿No queríais que hablara? ¿Que anduviera? ¿No decíais que se iba a quedar atrás? Pues a ver si sois capaces ahora de seguirle el paso y/o la conversación.

Y es que las charlas en Pipekés (que es a lo que venía yo con este post) han evolucionado en un par de meses hasta límites que no podían ni sospechar esas señoras (y algún señor) que hace relativamente poco se escandalizaban porque Pipeke no se dignaba a dirigirles la palabra.

El caso es que no sé en qué momento pasamos de palabras sueltas a parrafadas enteras y verdaderas. Sin mucho sentido, sí, pero parrafadas al fin y al cabo. A día de hoy, la gramática pipeka tiene un par de normas fundamentales:

– No existe la doble R ni tampoco el sonido Z. “Vamos a cenar” es “Mamos a senal”.
– La S y la F se confunden. “Sopa” es “Fopa“.
– “Maaaaaaaaami” va delante de todas las frases.
– En ningún momento y bajo ningún concepto existe el silencio.

Sé que las madres y los padres tenemos la capacidad de aburrir a las plantas con las hazañas de nuestr@s hij@s así que no pienso eternizarme… me limitaré a escribir a continuación un puñadito de ejemplos:

– “¡Maaaaami, a poné fobieeeeelo!” – “¡Maaaaami, ponme/ponte/ponle el sombrero!”

– “¡Maaaaami, a velos peeeeshesh!” – “Maaaaami, vamos ver os peeeeixes!”

– “¡Maaaaami, a popóm!” – “¡Maaaaami, dame un ‘petisuís de chocolate’!”

– “¡Maaaaami, mamo a lelé biblos!” – “¡Maaaaami, vamos a leer libros!”

– “Maaaaaami, mamo abé lo bilujos!” – “¡Maaaaaami, vamos a ver los dibujos!”

Tampoco nos quedamos atrás, y qué más quisiera yo a veces, en lenguaje y expresión musical. Más ejemplos ilustrativos (léanse a voces):

– “LOO PACALIIITO QUIÁN POLAILE MEEELAN MEEELAN MELANELANELAN!”“Los pajaritos que van por el aire, vuelan, vuelan, vuelanvuelanvuelan…”

– “APELAAAAAÑOOOOO IIIIILIIIIIS, AAAAAAPELAAAAAAÑO IIIIIIILIIIIIS!” – “¡Cumpleaaaaños feeeliz, cumpleaaaños feeeeliz…!”

También repasamos varias veces al día el CD del cole del año pasado:

– “PAAAAAMPAAAAAMPAAAAM PAAAAAMPAAMPAAAAM PAPAPAPAPAAAAAAAM! – No tiene traducción. Pam es la mascotilla del cole, un conejo amarillo con un lazo en la cabeza y mucha paciencia que tiene un tema propio con una letra bastante fácil de aprender (y de odiar).

– “ELIPIO! ELIPIO! ELIPIOLANALIS! – “Me limpio, me limpio, me limpio la nariz”

– “MAMO A POMEL, MAMO A POMEL COLA COSTOLA E CO NENÉS!” – “Vamos a comer, vamos a comer con la cuchara y con los nenés”.

– “HOOOOOOOLAAAA, HO-HO-LA! HOOOOOOOOLA, HO-HO-LA!” – No tiene traducción.

– “EPOOOONO EEEEEPIJAMÁÁÁÁ KIBIGUUUUSTA PALONÍÍÍ, NANOSCHE PAPÁ, TEO BUSSSCHO SIENIO YAAAA!” – Me pongo el pijama que me gusta para dormir, buenas noches mamá, buenas noches papá, tengo mucho sueño ya”.

Sin olvidarnos del clásico de las dos abuelas:

 “CASCHIIIITO CASCHIIIITO CASCHIIIITOOOOOMÍIIO PILASOLESEO ALLÓ ALLÓ” “Cachito, cachito, cachito mío, pedazo de cielo que dios me dio”.

Ni del clásico infantil de toda mi familia:

– “ALILALEE-EE ALILALEE-EE ALILALEE-EE-LILÁÁÁÁ!” – “¡Ondiñas veñen, ondiñas veñen, ondiñas veñen e vaaaaaan!”

En definitiva y para sintetizar: mi hija cogió la teta, tarde, pero la cogió; dejó el bibe, tarde, pero lo dejó; duerme a veces en su cuna y a veces en mi cama; jamás usó chupete, come como una lima sola o acompañada y habla, es más, no calla ni debajo del agua. Y lo que es más importante: todo, todo, todo y todo lo hace a su ritmo. A su sagrado ritmo, debería decir.

Por todo esto, señoras (y algún señor): dejen de darnos la brasa y de meternos prisa para todo, porque, queramos o no, el tiempo y las etapas pasan volando, y de repente estamos haciendo limpieza del armario de la peque y vemos que ya no es tan peque y nos da rabia no haber disfrutado más de aquellos días en los que aún le servían las zapatillas del Dépor que ahora vemos diminutas, o de aquellas noches en vela en las que mirábamos juntas por la ventana la luna reflejada en la ría, o de aquellas tardes aprendiendo a gatear en la alfombra blanca del salón…

¿Veis? aburrimos a las plantas.

Abracitos a tod@s ¡y feliz vuelta al cole!

pipeke caminando

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  1. Maribel Peña

    Jajajaja!!!! Mejor pasar de todos esos comentarios!!!! Yo siempre digo: ay hija, no todos serán ingenieros pero serán felices!!!!! (Esto genera confusión y pensamientos del tipo:”pues anda con la perroflauta esta, ¿no dice q quiere hijos felices en lugar de ingenieros?) Jajaja 😉

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  2. Paula

    Jaaaaajajajaja me meo con el tema de las opiniones no pedidas!! Es que es tal cual, de verdad! Y ya la respuesta de Maribel, ma matao jajajaja muy buena!!
    Blan, ese idioma me encanta! Nosotros también estamos últimamente con el idioma, ya sabes, y es para partirse 🙂 qué bonicos son, un beso!

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¡Gracias por comentar!