Lo que era que no y fue que sí (III)

23

SSLM. Hablar sola… o peor: hablar con objetos.

excavadorasYo confieso: todavía no hay un miserable adorno de Navidad colocado en mi casa. Bueno, miento: en una de nuestras estanterías, donde mi chico tiene colocada su colección de excavadoras en miniatura, una pequeñísima bola dorada (foto destacada) continúa colgada del diminuto gancho de una de las grúas, triunfante, olvidada del año pasado y descubierta en enero, pocos días después de haber subido a sus compañeros ornamentales al trastero. Hoy parece que me mira, medio ofendida, casi enfadada, como diciéndome: “¡Blan, espabila, vete al trastero a por el resto de adornos, que me veo aquí sola todas las navidades!“. Y tiene toda la razón, pobre… recuerdo perfectamente el momento en el que la vi, olvidada, el enero pasado y le dije: “Ahí te quedas“.

Sí, se lo dije.

Y es que esto de ser madre, al menos en mí, ha despertado un instinto que permanecía adormilado en mi subconsciente y al que, en los 27 años que precedieron a mi parto, jamás le había dado por manifestarse, al menos no con tanta intensidad: hablar sola. O peor:hablar con objetos. Para ser sincera, creo que este fenómeno es producto de la suma de varios factores, como por ejemplo el hecho de que me paso una parte del día sola y claro, alguien como yo, que no calla ni debajo del agua, necesita que esa verborrea incansable salga por algún sitio… aunque los receptores de mis mensajes sean de lo más variopinto: desde esa pequeñísima bola dorada olvidada a la que le espeté “ahí te quedas“, a la vitro, cuando la veo llena de gotitas de aceite y chorretones sospechosos (“qué guarra estás, hija“), pasando por Bubu, el osito gigante de peluche, cuando aparece sentado en una esquina en la que no le esperaba (“¡qué sustos me pegas, macho!”), o la  lavadora, cuando centrifuga y, con la emoción, se traslada medio metro pegando saltitos (“¡pa’dónde vas, locaaaa!“).

Antes de que penséis que la única loca aquí soy yo, dejadme seguir analizando esos factores que han hecho que me lance a hablar sola o con cosas, perdiendo un poco el norte pero ganando, eso sí, conversadores de calidad que nunca me llevan la contraria, nunca me gritan (bueno, la radio, a veces) y nunca me sacan temas de conversación incómodos (bueno, también la radio, a veces). Y lo digo porque puede que alguna de vosotras se reconozca en mí, puede que no sea la única que mantiene animadas charlas con la nada desde que es madre…

Y es que otra de las razones por las que hablo y converso en la más absoluta soledad es lacarrerilla que cojo cuando la neni está en casa conmigo, es decir, el 80% de la jornada. Y me explico: cuando Pipeke está, me paso el tiempo canturreando cosas sin sentido para que sepa que no me he ido, que estoy por allí, cerca, y pendiente de ella. Son cánticos del estilo de “Pipeke bonita, Pipeke patata, Pipeke bola…” (lo reconozco, de aquí a los Grammy aún tengo que currármelo un poco); cuando estamos las dos solas jugando también suelo parlotear sin cesar: “y ahora, ¿cuál ponemos en la cesta? Aaaaah, el triáaaaangulo, claro. ¿Y ahora, la flor o el cuadrado? Muy bien, peque, ¡la flor! ¡Yupiii!“, y cuando le preparo la merienda: “¿jamón o plátano, neni? ¿Jamón? ¡Bieeeeen! ¡Y un zumito para mi Pipekeee!“, o la cena “la merluza, ¡qué rica! venga, un poquito más, con un chorrito de limón, que así sola sabe a rayos, ¡qué rica la merluza, sí, sí, síiii!“.

Como comprenderéis, porque puede que incluso también os pase, cuando la neni se va a la escuelita o a casa de los abuelos, o simplemente a dar un paseo con su padre para ver los cisnes de la ría, yo tengo cogida esa carrerilla de la que os hablaba y, aunque ella no esté, sigo hablando sola, retransmitiendo cada movimiento y canturreando sinsentidos por toda la casa. Por favor, decidme que a vosotras también os pasa… o empezaré a temer por mi salud mental futura, a preguntarme si me afectó demasiado esto de la maternidad, a montarme paranoias yo sola, y puede que termine viviendo en una casa con veinte gatos, manteniendo animadas conversaciones con ellos sobre política, marketing o incluso fútbol…

¿Fútbol? Buf.

Disculpadme, he de ir al trastero a por los adornos de Navidad… antes de que la pequeñísima bola dorada se enfade de verdad.

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